“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”–Confucius
I am just whelmed. I thought I had a perfectly manageable to do list for the day, but every little task has some all but insurmountable obstacle to be moved first. Sheesh. My ability to concentrate is non-existant. Head-desk.
I do have some pretty cool news. I discovered entirely by accident, a website using some of my coloring page images without credit or a link or permission. I wrote the typically nasty note threatening lawsuits (I hate to be that way, but polite requests are usually either ignored or laughed at) and they very kindly removed the images immediately – with an apology. After some more visiting, they added a link to Color-Your-Own.com and I gave them permission to use the line drawings on their products. So let me just give a shout out to Peternity.com. They create some very nice products to memorialize pets who have left us for the rainbow bridge. Which is a laudatory sort of thing to be doing.
I remember just hours after my beloved Griffin was killed, a good friend called on the phone to find me in hysterics. When I tried to explain why, after a befuddled moment he said, “But he is JUST A DOG”. I hung up on him and didn’t answer his calls for several days. He finally got hold of a mutual friend and when he explained what happened – she hung up on him. LOL.
It’s nice to see the world changing a bit with the recognition that to many of us the loss of a pet is equivalent to the loss of a dear family member.
Speaking of loss, I’ve spent a good part of the day destroying since creation didn’t seem to be happening. That is, I’ve deleted the many Squidoo lenses I have had for years that have never earned a penny. Okay, a few that I took down have earned 10 cents or so over three years time. The lensography still needs to be rewritten, and believe it or not – I had planned to make a new lens today.
I just have to see good sense. People are not interested in well written on subject articles, they want shopping lists. Since I don’t mind making lists of coloring books and stuff for horse nuts, when I have time and patience (just three easy steps my fat ass) I’ll do Squidoo lenses for those subjects.
Yet another good and kind person has written me from swapbot in inquiry as to where I’ve disappeared to and why I left her swap. After I explained she was quite distressed over the situation. She has asked me to stay in her swap, offered to set up a private swap, and banned the person who created the problem in the first place from the original swap. I can hardly ignore that, and the fact that I’ve met some lovely people. At the same time, I have to find a way to protect myself from the negative people. This has always been my problem in Internet communities.
I’m too nice 
. Isn’t it funny, that in real life if you messed with me I’d be right up in your face – but online I give you the benefit of the doubt. I know it is a “flat” medium, so things can easily be taken the wrong way. I appreciate the effort ANYONE makes on a swap – even if when I get it I…well…don’t get it. I always suspect people who are complete pussies in RL have this vicious alter-ego online where they can get away with it, without having to say it in public and to your face (where you might deck them).
Of course, having my art attacked hits a nerve, or is a “trigger” as the PTSD terminology would have it. Still, if someone in RL has something rude to say about my art, I am perfectly capable of defending myself and walking away from it. If the critisism happens to be true – even if done in a vicious way – I try to improve, correct, etc. Okay, I may obsess for a while, but not like I do over this online stuff.
I was trying to figure it out today – and I think the difference is that if you attack me online, it is as if you attacked me IN MY HOME. Because I am in my home, in my little haven on the desert, when I read your ugly words. I cannot glare at you, hit you, or even walk away – you are right here in my lap. Sure, I can go to another site, another online task or community – but I know you are there like the great white elephant sitting in the living room that everyone is pretending isn’t there.
I have been known to strike back. And I can be far more ugly, mean and vicious than just about anyone. I learned from the best, most cruel, manipulative, clever and outright evil abuser on earth. But I don’t want to be her, and I don’t want to feel like I am turning into her. (Bad enough I can see her in the face in the mirror as it is)
Dammit. I think this is still what is “wrong” with me that I cannot get my shit together and get anything done. That things bloody well resist me. You know, I turn on the computer and it freezes, I walk past a table and everything on it throws itself to the floor, I turn on a light and the bulb pops and burns out. I set out to do one little thing and everything in the world resists me.
I HAVE been getting my daily yoga done. Patpatpat. Not so good on the art, but I haven’t missed a lot of days. Usually it happens when I intend to do it “later”…
Well, I tell you what – I’m going to muddle forward with my todo list and just possibly tomorrow have a list of great new stuff for you to run and look at.
Blessedbe
Summer
